Episode Six: Vicious Animals

 

Welcome to Edition Six

of

This is Life and Events

Sanely Insane

Welcome Back Dear Reader,

            As the most intelligent beings on the face of the planet, humans are designed to equip ourselves with knowledge and equipment that protects us from danger and other entities that could cause us harm or death.  Keep in mind, me saying humans are the most intelligent beings on the planet, I am being truthful, but I don’t believe it.  Humans are the worst thing to happen to Earth since the Black Plague.  That being said, that is not the point of this blog.  I would like to discuss some of the most vicious animals living on this spinning rock.  Animals have the ability to really fuck things up, especially when feeling threatened or sensing danger.

            During research for this blog, I found quite a few lists that really blew my mind.  If any of you were to make a list of what you thought were the most dangerous or relentlessly horrifying animals alive today, I would bet that all of our lists would include sharks, snakes, spiders, and other animals of that sort.  Some of the species I am going to discuss are absolutely unbelievable and hard to comprehend but if its on the internet, then it has to be true.  Those are the rules.

            Some of these animals listed are easy to conceive solely based on size or predatory nature, however, a few are just beyond belief. 

            First, we have the Cape Buffalo.  Think about it, they are very large animals, growing up to six feet all (taller than the average height of a man) and weighing as much as a ton (2,000lbs.).  I have no tips for surviving an encounter with this beast, also know by the comforting nickname of Black Death.  You are officially screwed if you find yourself face-to-face with a Cape Buffalo.  These huge monstrosities can run up to thirty-five miles per hour.  If they circle or stalk you, they are almost certainly about to charge at you, and you will officially be mauled or trampled to death.  Sorry for your luck.  Also, it helpful to know that there are about nine-hundred thousand of these lovely real-life monsters on the planet, they are commonly found in South Africa.

Cape Buffalo 

            Next is one of our surprise guest, the Cone Snail.  As a resident of the United States, I am a little more likely to run into this little critter than the Cape Buffalo we talked about before.  Found in the Caribbean, Indonesia, and Hawaii, the Cone Snail sits on the ocean floor in a shell about four to six inches long.  The main thing that will ruin your day and end your life about this tiny little murderer is the conotoxin venom that it will release into you upon contact.  Using their concealed, harpoon style teeth, the ‘Cigarette Snail’ injects the venom into whomever or whatever is unfortunate enough to have happen upon them.  The scariest part of this animal is that there is no antivenom to come in and save the day.

Cone Snail

            Easily the most adorably animal on the list, we have the Golden Poison Dart Frog.  Who in the world wouldn’t want to cuddle up next to a gorgeous little colorful frog that is filled with batrachotoxin?  These frogs are the size of a paperclip, but their color makes them very easy to spot in the wilds of South America.  It is said that two micrograms of its venom is enough to kill a human being but the Golden Poison Dart Frog contains enough venom that it could kill ten men.  Using the frog as a weapon, tribesmen have been known to dip the tips of their weapons into the batrachotoxin when preparing for war.  The worst thing of all about this little golden froggie is that you can be poisoned just from a simple touch of the frog’s skin.   That’s about it, don’t go grabbing any frogs you see sitting around in South America.

Golden Poison Dart Frog

           Don’t go swimming off of the Northern Coast of Australia, you are likely to come into contact with a Box Jellyfish.  This animal is known as the most venomous marine animal in the world.  Now, we have not searched nearly enough of the ocean to know if this claim is true, but I wouldn’t go out and test things with this Jellyfish.  These guys won’t go swimming up on you, not quickly at least, as they tend to float in the water or move very slowly (5mph).  These not so adorable animals have up to fifteen tentacles that can grow as long as ten feet long, giving them a massive reach.  The venom contained inside of the tentacles of the Box Jellyfish will go to work immediately and attack the heart, nervous system, and skin cells of whatever they contact.  There are antivenoms available, but a human would wish for death considering the astronomical amount of pain associated with a Box Jellyfish sting.

Box Jellyfish

            Keeping the list short and interesting there are only two more species that I would like to present to you.  This next one is the Stonefish, and judging by the picture, it looks like a fucking living nightmare.  This fish has two distinct defense mechanisms, so if you decide to try to play with one, make sure you let it know you are just having fun and not trying to be a dick.  As with most sea creatures, the Stonefish uses barbs from its skin to inject whatever decides to attack it or accidentally disturb it with venom deep into its unlucky foe.   If that isn’t enough for you to get the hell away and stay away, the Stonefish is also equipped with a lachrymal saber, similar to a knife, that is positioned in or on it’s face.  The venom from it’s stingers only takes an hour to cause a human fatality.  Pay attention if you are around the Red Sea and the Great Barrier Reef.

Stonefish

            Finally, something that will truly make you shiver in your seats, I present the Tsetse Fly.  Coming in at a wildly small eight to seventeen millimeters in size, you are likely to not even know when you have been visited by this little fly until it is too late.  Taking up inhabitance in Sudan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Angola, these flies contain protozoan parasites known as Trypanosomes.  This is how you get African Sleeping Sickness which results in behavioral changes, poor coordination, and sleep cycle disturbances that can lead to certain death.  The locals advise to not wear bright or dark colors and avoid bushes during the day.  Pretty wild and interesting stuff, in my opinion.

Tsetse Fly

Hopefully, this reading was not too boring for you.  I take pleasure in learning new things and this type of stuff is right up my alley.  I still harbor a healthy fear of lions, tigers, and bears but I have certainly added these vicious unbecoming animals to the list of fears that haunt my dreams every single night.  Also, please keep in mind that the most horrid and dangerous species ever to exist on this planet has been left off this list.  Human Beings.  While humans were touched upon in the introduction, it is very important to know that humans are the absolute worst thing in the world.  The numerous ways we kill each other and design ways to torment and torture each other are mind blowing.  Watch your back and stay vigilant folks.

-JAB / This has been Life and Events - Sanely Insane and I will be your host and narrator for as long as you continue to come through.  


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